我要做英语值日报告，(就是讲讲故事，说说笑话之类的)求给个建议，要简短，但不能太low
Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.
For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.
For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.
For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.
As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
If you teach a man to fish, he can always eat.
If you give a man a fire, he's warm for a day.
If you light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.A man is talking to God.
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."
能看懂吧？不然的话再追问，google一下 English Jokes for ESL 有好多。
马上要做值日报告了,求2个英语笑话(要极品的)
Don't open yellow a gun!!!
不要开黄枪!!!
The Good News and The Bad News
The doctor is talking to a woman in a hospital bed. "I have some good news for you and some bad. First the bad news -- we amputated the wrong leg. Now here is the good news -- we've discovered that your other leg doesn't need to be removed after all."
好消息和坏消息
医生对躺在病床上的一位妇女说：“我给你带来了好消息，也带来了不好的消息。先告诉你一个不好的消息－我们错截了你的那条好腿。现在我再来告诉你一个好消息，我们发现你的另一条腿没必要截除了。”
The Doctor Knows Better
A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead.” said the doctor,
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife.”The doctor knows better than you!"
医生懂得多
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."
听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."
The Picture is Half Good and Half Bad
An artist had painted a child holding a basket of fruit. A friend of his, who admired this picture, wishing to show its perfection, said to some persons who were examining it that the fruit appeared so natural that the birds came to peck at it. A countryman, who heard these praises, said: "If this fruit is as well represented as you say, it is not so with the child, since he does not frighten the birds."
毁誉掺半的画
一位艺术家画了张画:一个孩子提着一篮水果.他的朋友很欣赏这幅画,他很想告诉别人这画的美妙之处,就对几个正在细看画的人说,画中的水果画得多么逼真,连鸟都会来啄的. 一个村夫听了这些赞美的话就说:"如果水果画得真像你说的那样好,那么小孩就画得不怎么样了,因为他没有吓住那些鸟."
How to Get a Seat by the Fire
A gentleman came to an inn on a very cold day, and could get no room near the fire.
He called to the hostler to fetch a peck of oysters, and give them to his horse.
"Will your horse eat oysters?” said the hostler.
"Try him,” said the gentleman.
Immediately the people ran to see this wonder, and the gentleman who alone remained in the room, chose the best seat by the fire and made himself comfortable.
怎样在火炉旁找个座位
在一个严寒的冬日,一位绅士来到了一家小客栈,发现火炉旁没有空位了.于是,他让旅店里的马倌去取些牡蛎来喂他的马。
马倌说:"您的马吃牡蛎吗?"
"你试着喂吧."绅士答道。
倾刻间,人们都跑去看这一奇观,而绅士却独自呆在屋里,他在炉旁找了个最好的座位,怡然自得起来。
英语值日报告(三个人讲笑话
今天一去老爸打牌的地方，老爸牌友一位阿姨看见我就吼到：这是XX的女儿啊，哎呀好像猴子，我顿时黑线布满面部，心想有你这么说话的吗！我诧异的问她：真的很像猴子吗？哪里像猴子？她说：像极了！哪里都像。我顿时心灰意冷，整容的心都有了！后来才知道我老爸外号叫猴子...
“急！英语值日报告：“今天，我要给大家讲一个笑话！”求，翻译！”
Today,I will tell a joke for you
高一英语值日报告翻译:大家早上好,今天是我值日,今天我来给大家讲一个小笑话.
Good morning,all guys.I'm on duty today,let's enjoy a joke.
英语值日报告（短剧—幽默）
Girl:When we get married,I want to share all your worries,troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy:It's very kind of you,darling.But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl:Well that's because we aren't married yet.
女孩：我们结婚后，我会分担你的忧虑和烦恼，减轻你的负担。
男孩：你真是太好了，亲爱的。不过我没什么忧虑和烦恼。
女孩：那因为我们还没结婚呢。
跪求：麻烦帮我写一篇关于一个笑话的英语值日报告。150～200字左右的，我后天早上就要用，真的真的。跪求!
I'm on duty today,and now I'm going to tell a little joke here.
the name of the joke is “does the dog know the proverb too?”
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
“It's all right,” said a gentleman, “don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?”
“Ah, yes,” answered the little boy. “I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?”
下个星期二轮到我做英语值日报告，跪求帮忙！！初三水平、开始打招呼，然后说给今天带来的是一篇笑话
开始是：Today,I'm going to tell you a joke, thanks for listening.
笑话是：
A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?"
"Please, teacher,"said a small boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday."
"Well done. Who was that?"
"My granny."
"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
"Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"
一个主日学校校(基督教教会为了向儿童灌输宗教思想, 在星期天开办的儿童班)的老师在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。“现在，孩子们，”她说：“你们当中有谁让别人高兴过？”
“我，老师，”一个小男孩说：“昨天我就使别人高兴过。”
“做得好，是谁呢？”
“我奶奶。”
“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。”
“是这样的，老师。我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她说：‘啊，我很高兴！
我要十个英语值日报告，，要求：幽默。全英文。短文。
http://wenku.baidu.com/view/5b12758ea0116c175f0e48c9.html
自己进去看吧，希望对你有所帮助！谢谢采纳！
求：一篇简单幽默的英语值日报告啊！
We Are Wondering 学无止境
When the weather is hot, you go to a lake or an ocean.Why?The sun makes the earth hot ,but it cannot make the water very hot. Although the air over the earth goes up . Then the cool air over the water moves inan takes the place of thr air . When you are near a lake or an ocean , you feel thr cool air when it moves in . You feel the wind. And the wind makes you cool.
Of course, sclentists can not answer all of our questions. If we ask, :'Why is the ocean full of salt(盐）?' Scientists will say that the salt comes from rocks. When a rock jets wery hot or very cold ,it cracks(裂开），Rain falls into the cracks.The rivers carry the salt into the ocean?The ocean does mot get more salty every year.'Scientists are not sure about the answer to this uertion.
We know a lot about our world .But there are still many answers that we do not have .we are wondering all the time.
