「暑假英语笑话」五篇英语小笑话

五篇英语小笑话

1.so I have money, I bought a bus, take the special bus lanes, dedicated bus stopped at the station, so someone wants to get on the train, I say: Sorry, this is the private car . 等我有钱了，我就买一辆公交车，专门走公交专用车道，专门停在公交车站，等有人想上车了，我就说：对不起，这是私家车 .2.A boy swore to a girl: 'Honey, do please marry me, otherwise I'll die' The girl refused. Sixty years later, the boy died. 一男生向一女生发誓：亲爱的，请你一定要嫁给我，不然我会死掉的 女孩拒绝了。六十年后，那个男生死掉了。 3. Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning? Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost（路牌，路标） says, 'School -- Go Slow' 老师：约翰，为什么你每天早上都迟到呢？ 约翰：每次我走到街角的时候，都有一块路牌写着：“学校-小心慢行” 4. Teacher: Tom, why are you so late for school tdoay? And where is your homework book? Tom: Sorry, Miss. I met a robber on my way to school this morning... Teachse: Oh, My Gosh! So terrible! Did he robber anything from you? Tom: He...he robbed my homework book.... 老师：汤姆，你今天为什么迟到这么久？还有你的家庭作业本呢？ 汤姆：对不起，老师，我今天在上学的路上遇上了一个抢劫犯…… 老师：噢，天哪！太糟糕了！他抢了你什么东西没有？ 汤姆：他……他抢走了我的家庭作业本…… 5.Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. Uh-oh, I said, realizing my mistake. I just make an illegal turn.I guess it's all right, my daughter replied, The police car behind us did the same thing. 我赶着开车将11岁的女儿送到学校去，在红灯处右拐了，而那是不允许的(译注:在一些国家如英国,其交通规则是车辆左行的,与我国相反)。啊噢，意识到犯了错误，我说。我刚才拐弯是违章的。我想那没关系的，女儿回答说：我们后面的警车也同样拐了弯。

暑假英语笑话

Travel Expenses A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan. The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?" The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for 15 bucks?" 旅行开支 一个商人走进纽约一家银行询问信贷员。他说他要出差去欧洲两个星期,需要借5000美元。信贷员说贷款银行需要提供担保。这位商人把一辆停在街上的劳斯莱斯钥匙移交给信贷员。一切手续办妥后，银行信贷员接受了汽车做为贷款的抵押。店员把汽车开到银行地下车库并停放在那里。两周后,商人回来了,偿还了5000美元贷款,支付了15.41美元的利息。信贷员说：“我们欣赏你的生意,这笔交易做的很好,但我们有点困惑。你不在的时候,我们检查发现你是个富翁。我们感到疑惑的是为什么你不怕麻烦只借5000美元?”这个商人回答:“在纽约的什么地方我能把车停了两周只付15块钱?”

英语小笑话50子

一人英语不精,一天,他踩了一老外的脚,他赶忙说:"I'm sorry."老外对他说:"I"sorry too."他听后马上说:"I'm sorry three."老外问:"Why are you sorry for?"他无奈地说:"I'm sorry five."

关于快乐暑假的英文笑话

Travel Expenses A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan. The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?" The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for 15 bucks?" 旅行开支 一个商人走进纽约一家银行询问信贷员。他说他要出差去欧洲两个星期,需要借5000美元。信贷员说贷款银行需要提供担保。这位商人把一辆停在街上的劳斯莱斯钥匙移交给信贷员。一切手续办妥后，银行信贷员接受了汽车做为贷款的抵押。店员把汽车开到银行地下车库并停放在那里。两周后,商人回来了,偿还了5000美元贷款,支付了15.41美元的利息。信贷员说：“我们欣赏你的生意,这笔交易做的很好,但我们有点困惑。你不在的时候,我们检查发现你是个富翁。我们感到疑惑的是为什么你不怕麻烦只借5000美元?”这个商人回答:“在纽约的什么地方我能把车停了两周只付15块钱?”

英语小笑话

1、A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per  point."The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.一天，教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸条写着：“一分一块钱。”第二堂课，教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到64块钱的找零。2、George comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too..."9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。“乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？” 妈妈问。“妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。”3、Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?Mom: No, Honey, what?Kate: A nice teapot.Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.凯特：妈妈，你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗?妈妈：不知道，宝贝，是什么呀?凯特：一把漂亮的茶壶。妈妈：可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。凯特：不，你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。4、Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."客人：“为什么你的狗狗坐在那儿老是看着我吃东西呢?”旅馆主人：“我不敢想象，除非是因为你拿了它经常用来吃东西的盘子了。”5、Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.Patient: I know. But you are standing on my foot!牙医：请不要再叫了，我都还没有挨着你的牙齿啊!病人：但是，亲，你可知道，你踩到我脚了!!!6、A father of five came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present, “Who is the most obedient, never talks back tomother and does everything he or she is told?” he inquired. There was silence and then a chorus of voices: “You play with it, Daddy!”一个有五个孩子的父亲带着一件玩具回到家里，把孩子们召集来问这件礼物应该给谁。“谁最听话，从不和妈妈顶嘴，让干什么就干什么?”他问道。大家都不吭声。过了一会儿，孩子们异口同声地说：“爸爸，您玩儿吧。”

拓展资料

第一则 Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".第二则Teacher: Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?Student: Yes. I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher: Then where is the "egg"?Student: In the cake, Sir.第三则George comes from school on the first of September.George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....

关于我的假期的英语小笑话带翻译

一个陌生的英俊男子敲开我家门，沉声问：“是XX先生么?”我点头。 他猛地俯过身用力吻上我的唇，舌头蛮横的探进我口腔肆意搅拌。 我先是震惊，然后挣扎，恼羞成怒的推开他：“混蛋!你干嘛?” 男子无辜的摊手，道：“我是送快递的，刚刚那个热吻，是你远在美国的女友寄过来的，请查收。

小笑话 英语笑话

School! Go Slowly! (学校！慢行！) Paul is always late for school. It is ten past eight in the morning. The students are having English lesson in the classroom. Paul opens the door and comes in. “Paul, why are you late for school every morning?” his teacher asks. “When do you leave home?” “I leave home at a quarter to eight,” Paul answers. “Is your home far from our school?” his teacher asks. “No, about ten minutes’ walk.” “Then why are you late?” “Every day on my way to school I see a sign. It says: School! Go slowly!” 译文： 保尔上学经常迟到。 早上八点十分，同学们正在教室里上英语课，保尔推门进来。 “保尔，为什么你每天早上上学都要迟到呢？”老师问道，“你是什么时候离开家的？” “我是七点三刻出门的。”保尔答道。 “你家离学校很远吗？”老师又问。 “不远，步行十分钟” “那你怎么会迟到呢？” “每天我在上学的路上总看到一个标记，上面写到：学校！慢行！”

最搞笑的英语小笑话十则

内容来自用户:三一作文 *篇一：爆笑的经典英语小笑话英语笑话（一）老师在黑板上写了一句：Timeismoney.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”小明上英文课时跟老师说：MayIgotothetoilet?老师说：Goahead.小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：MayIgotothetoilet?老师说：Goahead.小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！英语笑话（二）某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：Iamhongtaoliu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢！英语笑话（三）江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："MissJiang,youareverybeautiful."翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where?Where?"外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere,everywhere."翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："Youarenotallowedtosee,youarenotallowedtosee."英语笑话（四）话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。

英语笑话

I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" "I wasn't asleep," the man answered. "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed." "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car." 我没有睡着 当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒！” “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。 “没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。” The poor husband "You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong. 可怜的丈夫 “你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父亲在哪儿？ 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。 “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！” “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？” 哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。” Does the dog know the proverb, too? The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog. "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?" "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?" 狗也知道这个谚语吗？ 一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。 “没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’” “啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？” 一 Can we have our teacher back？ Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a smalll boy came out of the first room and said, "When can we have our teacher back?" 能让我们的老师回去吗？ 有一次，一位督学去视察一个只有三间教室的学校。一间教室非常吵闹，因此督学抓住其中一个正在站着说话的人，把他带进另一间教室，并让他站在墙角。五分钟以后，一个小男孩从第一间教室走进来，问道，“您什么时候能让我们的老师回去呢？” 二 Who's More Polite? A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down. 谁更有礼貌？ 一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。 三 Expensive Price Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂贵的代价 牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？ 牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了

非常幽默的英语小笑话（不超过150个单词）

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” 英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的 一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了 Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”