给几篇英文笑话！200词左右！
《律师、宝马和胳膊》
一个律师打开他的宝马车门，突然一辆汽车驶过来把门撞飞了，警察赶到现场，律师正痛苦地抱怨毁坏了他心爱的宝马。
“警察同志，看看他们把我的车弄的!!!”律师哀怨地说。
“你们律师真是物质至上，我很不舒服!”警察反驳说，“你这么关心你可恶的宝马，你可能没有注意到你的左胳膊也没了。”
律师终于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的劳力士手表在哪儿?”
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit
the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the
lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer,
"You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your
left arm was ripped off!!!"
《狗住旅店》
一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”
旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单，
餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I
would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well
behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at
night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating
this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels,
bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog
in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a
dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And,
if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
A small child was giving a bath to a tiny and dirty kitten in the gar-den.
while an ojd lady passing by.
一个小男孩在花园里给一只身上很脏的小花猫洗澡，正在这时，一个上了年纪的女士从旁边经过。
A:Sonny.you shouldn't bathe a kitty in cold waLer.He will get sick and
die.
小家伙，你不应该在凉水中给小猫洗澡，他会生病,甚至会死。
(The child go on with his job.barely liatening to her.Two houra Wer,the lacjy
was retumiWg when ahe saw the boy sittinS on the ground and cring.with the dead
kitten lying beaide
him.
可是，小男孩继续给小猫洗澡，几乎对那位女士置之不理。两小时以后，那位女士返回时看见那个小男孩坐在地上哭泣，小猫躺在他的身旁，死了。）
B:Didn't I tell you .sonny.that the kitty would die if you wa.shed him in the
cold water?
小家伙，我不是告诉休了吗？如果在凉水中给小猫洗澡，他会死的。
A:But Auntie. he didn't die because I waahed him; he died when I was wrinpng
him dry.
可是，阿姨，他不是因为我给它洗澡死的，当我把他拧于时，他就死了。
望采纳！
英语幽默笑话带翻译200字
英语幽默笑话带翻译
1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to thehospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "Ithink that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."saidthe doctor,
Hearing this, theman moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive.""Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better thanyou!"
医生懂得多
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."
2:You can't go without me
The bus is verycrowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him.
"Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts.
"It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says tohim.
"But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says.
没有我你们走不了
公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路.
"喂,让我上车!"那位男士喊道.
"车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说.
"但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!"那位男士说道.
3:Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At thisage, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always askingquestions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk',dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there arestanding two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I amdrunk."
"But,dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
4:Hospitality
The hostessapologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese.The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returnedwith a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled,put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyesthan your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In therat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
5:Dear white, something you got to know .When I was born, I wasblack.When I grow up, I am blackWhen I'm under the sun, I'm blackWhen I'm cold,I'm blackWhen I'm afraid, I'm black.
When I'm sick, I'mblack.When I die, I'm still black.you---white people,When you were born, youwere pink.When you grow up, you become white.You're red under the sun.You'reblue when you're cold.You are yellow when you're afraid.You're green whenyou're sick.You're gray when you die.And you, call me "color"?
亲爱的白种人，有几件事你必须知道。当我出生时，我是黑色的我长大了，我是黑色的我在阳光下，我是黑色的我寒冷时，我是黑色的我害怕时，我是黑色的我生病了，我是黑色的当我死了，我仍是黑色的。你---白种人，当你出生时，你是粉红色的。你长大了，变成白色的。你在阳光下，你是红色的。你寒冷时，你是青色的。你害怕时，你是黄色的。你生病时，你是绿色的。当你死时，你是灰色的。而你，却叫我「有色人种」？
6：Where is the father?
Two brothers werelooking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look,"said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes,"said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother andthe children. Where is the father?"
The elder brotherthought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting thepictures."
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。
那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
7：How Many Rabbits?
Teacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave youfive rabbits, how many rabbits would you have?
Jonathan: Nine, sir.
Teacher: Nine?
Jonathan: I've got one already, sir.
多少只兔子？
老师：好，乔纳森，假如我给你三只兔子，第二天我又给你五只，你一共有多少只兔子？
乔纳森：一共有九只，先生。
老师：九只？
乔纳森：先生，我本来就有一只。
8：These Are My Jeans
After going on adiet，a woman felt really good aboutherself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she hadoutgrown long ago．
“Look，look．” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband．“I can wear my old jeans again．”
Her husband lookedat her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，butthese are my jeans．”
那是我的裤子!
一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感觉特别好——特别是当她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔裤时。她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的裤子了。”她丈夫看了她好一会儿，然后说：“亲爱的，我爱你。但那是我的裤子。”
9：Themean man's party
The notoriouscheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to findhis apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with yourelbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use myelbow and foot?"
"Well,gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, areyou?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
10：AllI do is pay
"My family isjust like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife is theminister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughteris foreign secretary."
"Soundsinteresting, " his colleague replied. "And what is yourposition?"
"I'm thepeople. All I do is pay."
我要做的一切就是付钱
布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子
是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”
“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢？”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”
英语笑话200个单词左右
Magic change
神奇变化
Gaga is a little duck. He is small, dirty and ugly. His friends don’t like to play with him.
One day, Gaga walked behind his friends quietly(静悄悄地).But his friends did not want him. Gaga was very sad and ran to the river and cried loudly(大声地)。
Just then, a big beautiful bird heard(听见)him crying and flew down(飞下来，落下来). She said, “Please don’t cry. Tell me, what do you want? I can help you.”
Gaga told the truth(真相). The beautiful bird said, “OK, I can help you to become a good-looking duck.” Then she took out a blanket and put it on the duck’s body. She said something which the little duck didn’t understand. Then she took away the blanket. There stood (站立)a good-looking duck.
Gaga was very happy. He thanked the big bird and quickly went to play with his friends.
参考资料：http://www.jllib.com/se/yycz/yingyuxiaogushi.htm
初二水平英语小笑话200个单词左右
The Cats and The Corn
The cats from the cat village went to the river for a picnic.
A cat found a corn stalk（玉米杆） .
What can the cats do with the corn stalk?
He must be hungry.He is eating the kernels of corn.
Oh,look!He stopped eating.
Meow made a new tooth from a kernel of corn!
This cat ate the ear of corn.
He made a harmonica（口琴） out of the corncob.
Oh,look! The cats are brushing their teeth with the Harmonica.”Chi-ka,chi-ka.”Up and down,up and down.
That’s right. Teeth have to be cleaned after eating. Good cat!
The cats are thinking of something. They are full and have brushed their teeth.Now it’s time to play. What game can they play with the corn?
First, this cat is making a net with corn silks.
Yes!! He must be planning to catch his favorite fish.
The stalks and the leaves of the corn are being made into a sailboat. The corn stalks are woven into a raft. The sails are made by attaching the leaves.
“Lu=Lu,La-La!Lu-Lu,La-La!”
One cat plays the harmonica as the other cats ride on their sailboat. Another cat brought a net.
He is going to catch some fish. Aren’t they very funny cats?
初二的英语笑话，带翻译，200~300词之间，越快越好
A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？
英语长篇笑话（200字）
一个人学了一些英文，不多，也不精，就是
i am sorry!
one two three....ten
这么多了，到美国后，出笑话了！！！
一日他骑车在一个街头，不小心和一个当地人撞车了，
他当机立断，say: i am sorry!!!
美国人一笑，say: i am sorry too !!!
这人一愣，想：妈的，考我来了！！！
say: i am sorry three!!!
美国人一愣，say: what are you sorry for???
这人怒了，靠，当我是煞笔了，妈的，给咱们中国人争这一口气！！！
say: i am sorry five!!!
英语演讲比赛的笑话？带翻译，200个单词以上，通俗，易懂的
女生不小心摸到男生的“那个”，於是就不好意思的问：“这是什么呀？”那男的回答：“本钱呀！”於是他们又接著继续温存。那男的不小心摸到女的“那个”，於是就不好意思的问：“这是什么呢？”那女的回答：“店面呀！”那男的就很高兴的说：“太好了！你有店面，我有本钱，我们一起来做生意吧！！”於是乎他们早也干晚也干，一天三餐，外加消夜及点心。最後那男的终於受不了而抗议说：“这太不公平了！我的本钱越做越小，而你的店面却越开越大！”
The
girls
accidentally
touch
boys
"that",
then
I
feel
shy
to
ask:"
what
is
this?"
The
man
replied:
"capital!"
So
they
went
on
to
warm.
The
young
man
accidentally
touch
woman"
that",
then
I
feel
shy
to
ask:"
what
is
this?"
That
female
answer:"
store!"
That
male
very
glad
say:
"too
good!
You
have
storefront,
I
have
capital,
we
work
together
to
do
business!!"
Thus
they
had
also
do
evening,
three
meals
a
day,
plus
bedtime
snacks
and
snacks.
Finally
the
that
guy
finally
can't
stand
protesting
said:"
it's
not
fair!
My
capital
does
smaller
more,
and
your
store
but
more
open!"
2分钟左右幽默英语故事 200词左右 急需
1、老板最大There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. 有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉。There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000. 店里有三只鹦鹉，其中一只卖五千元，另一只卖一万元，还有一只卖三万元。The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That‟s so expensive for this kindof parrot.”顾客问老板：「为什么这只要卖五千元？这个价钱对这种鹦鹉来说太贵了！」 The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” 老板说：「因为我有训练他讲话。」So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” 顾客又问：「那这只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That‟s why he‟s so expensive.” 老板说：「他除了会说话之外，还会表演一些有趣的动作，好比说跳舞等等，所以才卖这么贵。」Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” 顾客接着又问：「那第三只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」The owner of the shopsaid, “I don‟t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all!老板说：「我不知道。我从没听过他讲话、吹口哨或唱歌，也没看过他跳舞，什么都没有！ But the other two call him „The Boss.‟” 不过另外两只叫他：『老板！』」2、他真是一个大人物
Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him. 小孩：我叔叔下面有1000个人。 Man:He is really somebody.What does do? 男人：他真是一个大人物。他是干什么的？ Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery.小孩：墓地守墓人。
3、 A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. 有个小孩爱上了另一个小孩，对方是学校的同学。Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class. 八岁或十岁左右的孩子有时会迷恋班上某个人，然后就以为自己恋爱了。So the eight-year-old kid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” 因此这个八岁的小孩回家问他爸爸：「爸爸，结婚很花钱吗？」And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” 爸爸说：「是啊，儿子，非常花钱。」So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” 儿子又问：「要花多少钱呢？」And the father said, “I don‟t know, son. I‟m still paying.” 爸爸说：「我不知道，儿子，我到现在还一直在付钱啊！」4、Son: Dad, give me a dime. 儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。 Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? 父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了)，不是吗？ Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗？ 5、Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old. 汤姆是个小孩， 他才7岁。Once he goes to a cinema. It is the first time for him to do that. 当他去电影院的时候。那时他第一次去。He buys a ticket and goes in. 他买了张票进去了。But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again. 但没过两三分钟他就出来了，然后买了第二张票又进去了。 After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket. 几分钟后他又出来买了第三张票。 Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket. 接着两三分钟后他又出来买票。But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” 一个女的问她，“你为什么要买那么多票啊? 你见到了几个朋友？" “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.” "没有， 我里面没朋友， 但是每当我进门的时候一位大的女人老把我的票给剪了。"
求200字左右的英语笑话
One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered.
“ May I speak to your parents? ”
“ They''re busy. ”
“ Oh. Is anybody else there? ”
“ The police. ”
“ Can I speak to them? ”
“ They''re busy. ”
“ Oh. Is anybody else there? ”
“ The firemen. ”
“ Can I speak to them? ”
“ They''re busy. ”
“ So let me get this straight -- your parents, the police, and the firemen are there, but they''re all busy? What are they doing? ”
“ Looking for me. ”
Police Officer Fang is a generous man.One day he saw a small girl standing in the street.She was crying and tears were rolling down her face.
"Hello,"he said to her,"and what's your problem?"
The small girl looked up at him through her tears.
"I've lost my money,"she said.
"Oh dear!"Police Officer Fang said."And how did you do that?"
"My purse fell out of my pocket,"the small girl said."It had all my money in it."
And she continued crying.
"It's all right,"Police Officer Fang said."Don't worry.It's not the end of the world.Tell me how much money was in your purse."
"Ten dollars,"the small girl said.
The generous policeman took out his wallet.He opened it,took ten dollars and gave it to the girl.
"Here you are,"he said."Here's ten dollars.Now you can stop crying."
But instead of stopping crying,the small girl cried even louder.
"Now what's the matter?"Police Officer Fang said.
"I wish I'd said I'd lost forty dollars"The small girl replied.
so cute,isn't it?
非常幽默的英语小笑话（不超过150个单词）
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的
一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
