每日英语笑话 Honest诚实吗
英文笑话：Honest？诚实吗？
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
翻译：在动物园，我无意中听到两个学龄前的小男孩在聊天。
“我叫Billy。你叫什么名字?”一个男孩问题。
“Tommy”，另一个男孩回答。
“我爸爸是一位会计师，你爸爸是做什么的?”Billy问Tommy。
“我爸爸是一位律师，”Tommy回答。
“真的吗?”Billy问。
“不是啦，就跟别的律师一样。”Tommy回答。
求语法简单的一篇英语笑话
http://www.hongen.com/eng/daily/idiom/0702idio.htm
看这里面的每日一笑．．．
没天一个．．．
简单易懂，还有发音．．．
“他每天上课都会讲英语笑话逗我们笑”的英语
他每天上课都会讲英语笑话逗我们笑。
可翻译为： He always tells jokes in English to make us laugh in class every day.
我每天都会给我的朋友讲笑话英语
有情人终成眷属。
比较长的英语笑话
1.The Whole Truth
At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth".
The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your father a big hug."
2.Balcony Life
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."
Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
3.So Would I
A fat lady walked into the dress shop. "I'd like to see a dress that would fit me," she told the clerk.
"So would I," said the tactless clerk.
4.Tie&water
A man was crawling across the Desert dying of thirst, when a camel raced up and stopped. An Arab jumped down, opened a suitcase and said, "Would you like to buy a tie?"
"No,"said the man, 'I need water, do you have water?'
'No,' said the Arab,' but I do have a wonderful selection of ties.' He rode off, and the unfortunate man continued crawling across the hot sand until he came to a beautiful Hotel. He crawled up the step, crying: 'Water! Water!'
The Manager approached him and said, 'I'm sorry Sir, you can't come in here without a Tie!'
我订阅的有道阅读 "每日英语"里有。。。。。
2篇英语笑话,每篇150词左右
1. Virtue
Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.
When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," she whispered. "Perseverance is a virtue."
美 德
获取研究生学位多年以后，我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员。一天，电梯里很拥挤，有人抱怨电梯效率太低。我说自我在那里当学生起，20年来电梯一直没有换过。
最后当电梯门打开时，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下，回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑。“你会拿到学位的，亲爱的，”她低声说道：“坚持不懈是一种美德。”
2. Difference
"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down."
区 别
“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说‘下午好’，本科生们回答说‘下午好’。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。”
3.Too Long
The travel editor of a newspaper called, saying she was finally using an article I had written several years earlier. She wanted to be sure the tour information was still correct. "I also wanted to make certain," she sheepishly confessed, "that you're still alive. Whenever the writer has died, I know I've held a story too long."
太久
一家报纸的旅行版编辑打开电话，说她终于决定要采用一篇我几年前写的文章。她想确定那旅游信息是否还可靠。“我还想确定，”她怯怯地坦白道：“您是否还健在。每次发现作者已经不在人世了，我才知道我将文章压得太久了。”
4.Charge for Bread and Butter
Some years ago, my dad, an attorney, took me to a fancy restaurant in Now York City. When the bill arrived, there was a $1.50 charge for bread and butter. Dad paid the bill, including the charge for bread and butter. However, the next day, he sent a letter to the resturant stating that the charge was uncalled for. Enclosed in the same envelope was a bill for $500 in legal services.
Someone from the restaurant called immediately and asked, "What is this $500 bill for? We never ordered any legal services."
Dad replied, "I never ordered any bread and butter."
The $1.50 was returned without delay.
面包和黄油费
几年前，我当律师的爸爸带我去纽约的一家高档餐馆。帐单上来时，上面有1.5美元的面包和黄油费。爸爸付了帐，连同面包和黄油的收费一齐付了。但是第二天，他给餐馆寄了一封信，说那项收费是没有道理的。随信还寄上了一张500美元的法律服务机构的收费单。
餐馆马上打来电话，问道：“这500美元的收费单是怎么回事？我们从来没有要什么法律机构的服务。”
爸爸答道，“我也从来没有要什么面包和黄油。”
那1.5美元立即就寄了回来。
5. Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
安眠药
鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”
“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”
英文谚语大全
http://www.cqwlzx.com/Article/ShowArticle.asp?ArticleID=275
Each bird loves to hear himself sing. 鸟儿都爱听自己唱歌。
Each day brings its own bread. 天无绝人之路。
Each man is the architect of his own fate. 命运掌握在自己手中。
Eagles catch no flies. 大人物不计较小事情。
Eagles fly alone, but sheep flock together. 鹰单飞，羊群集。
Early mistakes are the seeds of future trouble. 早期的错误可以酿成日后的麻烦。
Early sow, early mow. 播种早的收获早。
Early start makes easy stages. 早开始是成功的保证。
Early to bed and early to rise make a man healthy, wealthy and wise. 早睡早起，令人健康、富有而且聪明。
每日一笑用英语怎么说
Smile everyday 每日一笑例句：irst, keep your face in smile everyday, thus maintaining a good mood.首先，每天保持你脸上的笑容，这样你就会拥有好的心情。smile 英 [smaɪl] 美 [smaɪl]n.微笑，笑容vt.以微笑表示;以微笑完成vi.微笑;赞许;不在乎第三人称单数： smiles 复数： smiles 现在分词： smiling 过去式： smiled 过去分词： smiled例句：When he saw me, he smiled and waved他看见我的时候，微笑着朝我挥挥手。
扩展资料：笑话界定日常生活当中有些人天天都在听笑话、说笑话，但是说到什么是笑话，可能在许多人的脑海中的界限还很模糊。笑话的界定因人而异，有的人认为是笑话的东西，有的人不认为是笑话。界定笑话的终极标准在其效果（笑果），而非其形式。不管文体与笑话如何相似，若他不能让人发笑，那它就不能算是笑话。如果能引人发笑的，都可以将其看作笑话。笑话的结构几乎所有笑话都包含两个组成：第一是笑话开头(例如：有一天，面包与肉包发生争执...)，第二是笑点 ，是一个意想不到，或是与现实完全相反的情节或关键，也是一个笑话最重要的部分，且这个笑点能不能让听众感到好笑，将成为这个笑话能否成功的关键。笑话三要素也有观点认为，好的笑话具有三种要素：优越感 ：要使人有某种优越感。消除紧张 ：要消除因忧虑引起的紧张情绪。内容愚蠢 ：其内容愚蠢得让人吃惊。参考资料来源：百度百科——笑话
求完整版笑话。 大概就是，周一，周二………周天的英文，然后中文谐音搞笑的，好记，比如周一是忙死带，
我家母大人上网买了个煮蛋器，连着试用两次蛋都不熟。
家母大人十分生气地跟卖家理论：你这什么破玩意，坏啦，煮了20分钟蛋还是生的。
卖家：亲不要着急，您可以先检查一下。您煮蛋的时候水有开吗？
然后家母大人就灰溜溜地下线了，因为他煮的时候根本就没有放水...
公司新来了个丹麦同事。一天休息时，他问我，为什么中国厕所都有一个纸蒌，
装满用过的带着黄色的卫生纸。我回答到：「我们回收打包出口到日本做餐巾。」
丹麦兄弟很惊讶，再问：「Why ?」
我说：「The Japanese think it smells good（他们喜欢那个味儿）。」
此后每次这哥们看到日本人都觉得怪怪的时候，我总在后面笑，哈哈……
还很小的时候经常去医院体检验血，每次我都非常害怕，不停的哭。
一个小哥哥过来关心的问我怎么了。
我说：“验血要割手指，好疼。”小哥哥听完后立即嚎啕大哭，也顾不上安慰我了。
我纳闷的问：“你也要验血吗？”
小哥哥说：“我验尿！
一天部门聚会，有个师弟问我们说
大一来了，如何区分学弟学妹和学长学姐呢？
于是我就说：“穿长裤，长裙，马裤的都是学妹；
穿超短裤，超短裙的就是你们的学姐了；
穿运动鞋，牛仔裤的都是学弟；
穿拖鞋，大裤衩的就是学长了。”
看过白娘子的都知道这典故，
一天小青问：“姐姐，凭什么你就可以和凡人恋爱我就不可以。”
白素贞：“你的修行不够！！ ”
小青：“修行不够又怎么样？”
白素贞：“会下蛋…”
小青：“……”
来自3000笑话 - 每日一笑
我想要英文笑话的网站，最好每天更新
http://www.jokesgallery.com ★★★★★
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke48.htm ★★★
http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml★★★★
但外国人的笑话你不见得会笑
急需个英文笑话，长一些，最好有翻译，没有也无所谓，但一定要搞笑，满意的加分啊~~
I'm Phil, and today we will learn a new story. "".
One morning, a boy named Tony was getting dressed in his
bedroompreparing to go to school. His mother called out
from the living room, "Remember to put on a pair of new
socks!" Tony answered, "Yes, mom,
I will put on a pair of new socks." His mother emphasized, "
I mean that you should wear a new pair of socks every day!"
Tony again answered,"Yes, mom, I will put on a new pair
of socks every day."
A week later, he came out of the bedroom and said to his
mother, "Mom,I cannot get my feet into my shoes anymore."
每日一袜
早晨，汤尼穿好衣服要上学时，他妈妈从客厅对着卧室跟他说：‘记
得要穿一双新袜子喔！’汤尼说：‘好的，妈咪，我会穿一双新袜子
。’然后他妈妈又说：‘我是说每天要穿一双新袜子喔！’汤尼回
答：‘好的，妈咪，我每天会穿一双新袜子。’一个礼拜以后，他从
卧室走出来跟妈妈说：‘妈咪，我的脚再也塞不进鞋子里了！’
I'm Phil, and today we will learn a new story. "".
Good News and Bad News
The soldiers had been marching and fighting, they were dirty, hot and
tired. One day, the general announced: "My men, I have some good news
and some bad news for you. Which one would you like first?"
"The good news!" they all shouted.
"OK," said the General. "The good news is that you will each be receiving
a complete change of clothing."
"Hurrah!" chorused the soldiers.
"And now for the bad news. Jack, you will change with John. John, you
will change with Tom. Tom, you will change with Robert. Robert ....
好消息和坏消息
士兵们连续的行军，作战，他们又累又热又脏。一天，将军宣布：
“士兵们，我有一些好消息和坏消息要告诉你们。你们愿意先听哪个呢？”
“好消息！”他们嚷道。
“好吧，”将军说，“好消息就是你们每个人都可以彻底的换一身
衣服。”
“乌拉！”士兵们高兴地大叫起来。
“现在呢，该是坏消息了。杰克，你将和约翰换衣服，约翰，你和汤姆
换，汤姆，你和罗伯特换，罗伯特……”
I'm Phil, and today we will learn a new story. "".
There were two men who went out to eat together.
They ordered fish. So on the table there were two fish.
Normally not all the fish are alike in size, so there
was one small, and one big. The first man just took
the big one for himself without asking and feeling
ashamed, or anything; and ate it. The other friend
felt very disturbed and annoyed, he didn't know what
to say. So he thought for a while, and then he said,
" If it were me," I would have taken the smaller one
first." So the other guy said," See! I knew that!
That's why I took the big one."
我就知道
有两个人一起出去吃饭，结果点了两条鱼，不久之后，
鱼就上桌了，但是通常鱼的大小都不太一样，所以送来
的鱼也是一条大一条小。结果第一个人问也不问，就把
比较大的那条鱼夹起来吃，一点都没有不好意思的样子。
另一个人看了心里很不高兴，但是也不知道该说什么才好。
他想了一会儿，终于开口说：「如果是我的话，我一定
会先拿那条小鱼。」另一个人就接口说：「看吧！我就
知道，所以我刚刚才拿大鱼。」
I'm Phil, and today we will learn a new story. "".
Two women were sitting on a train. It was a long ride so
they started talking about family business and their
family members. And the older of the two women said,
"Oh! My God, it's so terrible to have children. There's so
much to worry about; they always make trouble for you.
My son, he's only 20 years old, but he already smokes
and drinks, and he always changes girlfriends. It's really
terrible. I wish he could be better, but no such luck. I've
been praying every day." She then asked the other
woman, "And how about you? Do you have any children?
How about your son?" So the younger woman said,
"Oh, my son is no problem! He never smokes, he never
drinks and he doesn't have a girlfriend. He doesn't even
utter one word about bad things." So the older woman
said, "Really? Fantastic! You're so blessed. How old is
he?" And the younger woman said, "Five months."
乖小孩
两位女士坐在火车上，因为旅途很长，她们就开始聊起家人和家里
的事。年纪较大的女士说：「天啊！有小孩真是伤脑筋！有那么多
事要操心，还老是惹麻烦给你。我儿子才二十岁，就已经会抽烟、
喝酒，而且一直换女朋友，真是糟透了！我希望他改好一点，他也
不改，只好天天求老天保佑。」接着，她问另外一位女士：「那你
呢？ 有小孩吗？ 儿子怎样？」那位女士回答：「噢！我儿子没问
题，他从不抽烟、不喝酒，也没有女朋友，甚至没讲过什么不好的
话。」那位较年长的女士说：「真的吗？太好了！ 真有福气！你儿
子多大了？」比较年轻的女士回答：「五个月大。」
