「英语笑话短一点」关于英语的小笑话 短一点

关于英语的小笑话 短一点

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

英语笑话(5篇)短一点

已解决问题收藏 转载到QQ空间 需要英语笑话 30[ 标签：英语,笑话 ] 急 绚丽玫瑰 回答:14 人气:14 解决时间:2009-03-14 22:03 检举 今天我正在看碟，老妈又捧了本书进来，说道：给我讲讲这几句话什么意思 老妈：这个“i don’t know.“是什么意思？ 我说：“我不知道” 老妈：送你上大学上了几年，你怎么什么都不知道！！ 我说：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！！ 老妈：还嘴硬！！！！$@％!#$^&％#$％@$％@#$％!^％^!^％$^#&..(一顿爆揍) 老妈：你在给我说说这个。“i know.“是什么意思你该知道吧，给我说说。 我说：是“我知道“ 老妈：知道就快说。 我说：就是“我知道“ 老妈：找茬呀你？刚才收拾你收拾的轻了是不？ 我说：就是我知道呀！ 老妈：知道你还不说！！不懂不要装懂！&*$％^@$#!％$@^％#*$^^^##$％(又一顿爆揍) 老妈：你给我小心点，花那么多钱送你上大学，搞的现在什么都不会，会那么一丁点东西还跟老娘摆谱，再问你最后一个，你给我好好解释一下，说不出来我在收拾你，你给我翻译一下“i know but i don’t want to tell you.“是什么意思？ 我晕倒，拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，用头撞墙四十多下，双手轮番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用腿踢桌子角六十多下，血肉模糊之时，我问老妈：这下你满意吧 这不她老人家又来问我了:“儿啊,i`m very annoyance,don`t tuouble me .是什么意思啊~?“ 我:“我很烦,别烦我“ 老妈:“找打,跟你妈这么说话“(于是被扁) 老妈又问;“i hear nothing,repeat. 是what意思啊“ 我说:“我没听清,再说一次“ 老妈又说了一遍:i hear nothing,repeat“ “我没听清,再说一次“ 结果被扁 老妈再问:“what do you say “又怎么解释呢“ 我说:“你说什么“(再次被扁) 老妈再问:“look up in the dictionary“是何意啊’ 我说:“查字典“ “查字典我还问你做甚“(被扁) 老妈又问:you had better ask some body.怎么翻呢“ 我说:“你最好问别人“ “你是我儿子,我问别人干吗,又找打.“ “啊!god save me !“ “上帝救救我吧!” “耍你老妈玩,上帝也救不了你!(被扁) 我再问你:“use you head,then think it over,又是什么意思啊!“ 我说:“动动脑子,再仔细想想.“ “臭小子,还敢耍我“接着又要动手 我连忙说:“是世上只有妈妈好的意思” “嗯,这还差不多,一会我给你做好吃的,明天再问你”小洋人 回答采纳率:33.3% 2009-03-14 22:01 检举绚丽玫瑰的感言： 呵呵 你觉得这个答案好不好？ 好(13)不好(1) 1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。" 2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!" 吉姆说:"你妈妈能!" 附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点. 3)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny",then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." 4)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?” “Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.” 一盒小火柴 妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？” “是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。” 5)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn. Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing! 开车父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。 苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。 呵呵

简单的英语小笑话(带翻译）

1、Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：这个座位是空的么？ 女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。  2、Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. 男孩：我可以给你买杯饮料吗？ 女孩：你不如直接把钱给我得了。 3、My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!  Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字。布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”4、My Wife Will Exchange Them。A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.   ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson.  ″Makes no difference ″replied customer.   ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk.  ″Any″ he responded. ″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″ 反正我太太明天会来换的。一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。 “您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。 “没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。 “那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。“什么颜色都成。”他回答。 “号码呢？” “您就随便给我拿一副吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天都会来换的。” 5、A  physics Examination，Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.  The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunder rolls?   Nick‘s answer: Because  our eyes are before ears.   一次物理考试。在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。  6、Jim’s History Examination。Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him  things that happened before the poor boy was born.   吉姆的历史考试。舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。 7、he is really somebody。-- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.   他真是一个大人物。-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？-- 墓地守墓人。扩展资料：笑话具有篇幅短小，故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有高下之分。人类历史上，人自从有了语言，就已经出现了开玩笑的语言，最早，人们以口相传，后来有了文字，许多笑话便被记载下来，编书成册。但还有很多笑话，是流传于民间的，就当今社会，每天都有很多笑话出现，有心人如果收集，我想将来一定会有价值。同时丰富了笑话的宝库。随着近十年网络和手机的飞速发展，随之出现了网络笑话，网络流行语，给力大全，手机笑话，雷人语句，笑料联盟等，促使笑话发展到一个新的阶段。参考资料：百度百科：笑话

英语小笑话（带翻译）短些

1、Warning  Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him.I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming.When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?" I teased."Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?" 提醒我们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的新生，开学几个星期之后，我和丈夫决定去看看他。我特意提前给他打电话，“提醒”他我们将光临。但是当我们来到宿舍时，他的房间凌乱不堪，我非常吃惊。“忘了我们要来，是吧?”我取笑他。 “开什么玩笑?“，他回答说，“要不我凭什么费神打扫?” 2、Ground RulesOne of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor.Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring,so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running." 基本原则位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我非常喜欢的老师，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时，他说：“我知道我的讲课可能经常会枯燥乏味，了无生趣，所以如果你们在上课时看表我并不介意。不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。”3、After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV,"Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?"After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."晚饭后，父亲和母亲都忙着和客人玩麻将，这时母亲忽然想起点儿事来，便对正在看电视的儿子说道：“宝贝，去看看厨房里的灯是不是还开着呢？” 过了一会儿，儿子回来说：“妈，厨房里太黑了，我根本就看不见。”4、Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics，Father（aveteranpolitician）：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one．”Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours？” Father：“A convert，my son．”有希望的青年人：“父亲，什么叫政治叛徒？” 父亲（一位老资格的政治家）：“叛徒指的是离开我们党而加入到另一个党的人。”有希望的青年人：“那么，离开他的党而加入到我们党的人又叫什么呢？” 父亲：“叫改变信仰者。我的儿子。”5、I do not know the reason why some people want to get up late. They will never have the opportunity to enjoy (of enjoying) the fresh air and calmness of the morning.This is indeed a quite regrettable thing.To rise early is a good habit (which) we should cultivate. Why? Because the best time when we can pursue our studies is in the morning.In addition, early rising is also good to our health. I hope that everybody our knows the reason why we must rise early.我不知道某些人要晚起的理由。他们永不会有机会来享受早晨的新鲜空气和宁静。这真是一件 发令人遗憾的事情。早起是我们应该养成的一种良好习惯。为什么？因为早晨是我们从事学业的大好时间。再者，早起对我们健康也有益处。我希望每个人应该知道我们必须早起的理由。

英语小笑话，越短越好，带翻译

1、Goldfish金鱼 Stan: I won 92 goldfish. Fred: Where are you going to keep them? Stan: In the bathroom 。 Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath? Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛）them! 斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。 弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？ 斯丹：浴室。 弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？ 斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！ 2、 The Revenge 欺骗的代价 Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With alow voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmerJones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson:"But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jonesonce cheated me in a horse deal!" 老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子：“为什么？” 约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。” 3、I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只鸡 Psychiatrist: What's your problem? Patient: I think I'm a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg! 精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？ 病人：我认为我是一只鸡。 精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？ 病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。 4、How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来 Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keeptheir ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed upto her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum outfrom my ears?" 当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢？” 5、 Where Am I 我在哪儿 An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw afarmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer,"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmerlooked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir." 一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路，他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把车开过去问那位农民：“劳驾，您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗？” “可以。”农夫奇怪地看了看他，然后说道：“你现在在你的车子里，先生。” 6、Chiefis at the wedding 长官在婚礼上 A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you injail until the chief gets back." "But ,officer, I …." "I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!" A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Youare lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a goodmood when he gets back." "Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm thegroom." 大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。“但是警官”这个人说道，“我可以解释的”。“保持安静”，警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱，直到长官回来。“但是，警察，我，，，”。“我说过了保持安静，你要到监狱了。”几小时后，警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好，因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他将带着一个愉快的心情回来的。” “你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。 7、Who Is the Laziest 谁最懒 Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you aquestion. Who is the laziest person in your class? Tom: I don't know, father. Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing andwriting, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work? Tom: Our teacher, father. 父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。 8、TwoBirds 两只鸟 Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now whocan tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside theswallow. 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

英语笑话最好短一点

man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?" 两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？” Talking clock 会说话的钟 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!" 一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！” Secret For a Long Life A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?" "I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise." "Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?" "Twenty-six." 长寿秘诀 一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头。 “我无意中发现，你是多么幸福，”那女士说。“你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么？” “我每天抽三包烟，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且从来不曾锻炼。” “哦，真神奇，”女士说。“你高寿？”

英文短笑话

1、Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。One boy throws his bag out the window.一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。Teacher: who just threw that?!老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了?Boy: Me! I’m going home now.男孩：我!我现在要回家了。2、What dog can jump higher than a building?什么狗比大楼跳的还高?Anydog, buildings can't jump!任何一只狗，大楼又跳不起来。3、What has a head, a tail, and no body?什么有头、有尾，但是没有身体?A coin!硬币。4、What has one eye but cannot see?什么有一只眼睛，却看不见?A needle.针。5、Wife: "How would you describe me?"妻子：你会怎么形容我呢?Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK.Wife: "What does that mean?"妻子：那是什么意思?Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"妻子：哇，谢谢，但是“IJK”是什么意思呢?Husband: "I'm just kidding!"丈夫：开个玩笑!6、Boy: Is this seat empty?男孩：这个座位是空的么？Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。 7、My little dog can't read 我的狗不识字Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 8、My Wife Will Exchange Them反正我太太明天会来换的A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson.“您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。″Makes no difference ″replied customer.“没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。″What color﹖″ asked the clerk.“那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。″Any″ he responded.“什么颜色都成。”他回答。″Size﹖″“号码呢？”″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″ “您就随便给我拿一副吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天都会来换的。”

急求一个简短一点的英语小笑话好背的

The little boy asked his father: "do not do better than his father's son that much?" Daddy replied: "Of course!" "Who invented the electric light?" "Edison.", "How the father of the Edison Electric did not invent? " Authority often only a son can not stand the test of the shell, especially in this modern era of diversity and openness. 来自【英语小故事】 http://www.boytoman.com 希望采纳

求简短一点的英语笑话

Too Fast or Too Slow A man was driving at 130 miles an hour when a policeman overtook him. "Was I driving too fast,officer?"the man asked. "NO,"the policeman answered,"You were flying too slow." 太慢或太快 一个男人正在以130英里每小时的速度行驶，当一个警察看见他时， 他问：“我开的太快了吗？警官。” “不”，警察说，“你飞的太慢了。” Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes: (1) inform v.告诉 (2) nest n.窝；巢 (3) description n.描述 (4) encourage v.鼓励 (5) resemble v. 相似；类似 18.鸟窝与头发 我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。 “是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。 “我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。 “那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。 “哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。” I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " Notes: (1) poisonous adj.有毒的 (2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。 我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 “是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？” 英语笑话（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。 英语笑话（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 英语笑话（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。” 英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。 -- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。 英语笑话（六）The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?" 吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。 A Useful Way Father: Jack， why do you drink so much water? Jack: I have just had an apple， Dad. Father: What’s that got to do with it? Jack: I forgot to wash the apple. 中文： 爸爸：杰克，你干嘛喝这么多水呀？ 杰克：我刚才吃了个苹果，爸爸。 爸爸：可是这跟喝水有什么关系呢？ 杰克：我忘了洗苹果呀。

急需：英语小笑话，简单短小，而且超级爆笑！谢了。

1.Is it a boy or a girl A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. B: I'm not. I'm her mother. 翻译：是男孩还是女孩？ A:看看那个留短发和蓝色牛仔裤的年轻人。是男孩还是女孩？ B：是个女孩。她是我的女儿。 A:哦，对不起，先生。我不知道你是她的父亲。 B：我不是。我是她的妈妈。 2.Pretty ugly Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter? Peter: I think you're pretty ugly.. 翻译：非常丑陋的 玛丽：约翰说我很漂亮。安迪说我很丑。你觉得怎么样，彼得？ 彼得：我觉得你很丑。 3.Silent fart A man walks into the doctor's office with a serious problem. "Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions. At home, work, and even at church, I release tons of silent farts everywhere I go! As a matter of fact I've had three sitting here talking to you. What are we going to do?" The doctor replies: "The first thing we're going to do is check your hearing." 翻译：沉默的屁：沉默的屁 一个人走进医生的办公室，遇到了一个严重的问题。 “医生，我在无声气体排放方面有问题。在家里，工作，甚至在教堂，我放出无数的无声屁，无论我走到哪里！事实上，我坐在这里和你谈过三次。我们该怎么办？” 医生回答说： “我们要做的第一件事就是检查你的听力。” 3.Pay tax with a smile A: I hate paying my income tax. B: You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? A: I'd like to but they insist on money! 翻译：A:我讨厌付所得税。 B：你应该是个好公民——你为什么不微笑着付钱呢？ A:我很愿意，但是他们坚持要钱！ 4.Take his place An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor. "So, what is it?" grumbled the governor. "Judge Garber has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place." Replied the governor, "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker." 翻译：代替他：取代他的位置 午夜过后，一位律师打电话给州长，坚持要他跟他谈一件非常紧急的事情。一个助手最终同意唤醒州长。 “那么，这是什么呢？”州长抱怨道。 “Garber法官刚刚去世，”律师说，“我想接替他的位置。” 州长回答说：“好吧，如果殡仪馆还好的话，我就可以了。” 5.I'm Sick One day Hamid felt very sick and he went to the hospital. Nurse: Hamid, the doctor is here to see you. Hamid: Tell him, I can't see him. I'm sick. 翻译：我生病了 一天，哈米德感到很不舒服，他去了医院。 护士：哈米德，医生来见你。 哈米德：告诉他，我看不见他。我病了。 向姑姑道歉 爸爸：“儿子，你怎么称呼你的阿姨傻？”去跟她说声对不起。” 儿子：（走到姨妈跟前）“阿姨，对不起你是个笨蛋。” 6.Say sorry to aunt Dad: "Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her." Son: (goes over to the aunt) "Aunt, I am sorry you are stupid." 6.Undying love Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Yes, dear. Girl: Would you die for me? Boy: No, mine is undying love. 翻译：永恒的爱：永恒的爱 女孩：你爱我吗？ 男孩：是的，亲爱的。 女孩：你愿意为我而死吗？ 男孩：不，我的爱是永恒的 扩展资料： look at看; 审视; 评判; 接受 young person(14-17岁的)未成年人; 少年 short hair短头发 blue jeans蓝色斜纹布裤子，牛仔裤 do you你愿意吗 fart<讳>放屁; 讨厌的人; 令人厌烦的人; 蠢人 walks步态( walk的名词复数 ); 人行道; 步行的路径; 走，步行，散步( walk的第三人称单数 ); 出现; 陪伴…走; 徒步旅行 'vehave 的缩略形式 At home在家; 在国内; 在家接待客人; 精通 and even乃至